Five Reasons to Elope

I want to start by saying this: I am literally in love with capturing love. And I am totally okay with sounding cheesy and cliche in order to get that point across. Whether it’s a large wedding, a small wedding, or an elopement in a backyard, getting to use my camera to tell the story of two people making a vow to love one another all the days of their lives is something for which I’m extremely grateful.

However, today I’m spending a little time in defense of elopements, and here’s why:

I recently mentioned to someone that I was hoping to offer elopement photography to couples, and his response was “elopement? What’s that? Oh wait, you mean a shot gun wedding? Vegas style?”

Oh how I cringed. Not that he was wrong to think such a thing. Through the years elopements have gained a bit of a reputation for involving a scenario where a couple feels forced to get married, feels the need to run away to get married, or gets drunk in Vegas and decides it’s time. So I get the confusion.

Which is why today I’m writing about five common yet lesser discussed reasons one may choose to elope. And yes, these are all non-forced, sober decisions:

(1) Cost

You know this: weddings are expensive. They’re a luxury that many look forward to splurging on for years, seeing it as a gift to themselves and their loved ones to throw a big celebration. That’s truly a beautiful reason to invest in hosting a large event, and if you’re one of those people, then cost maybe isn’t a concern.

However, you may be the person who’s saved a lot of money, but when the reality of how much you’ll be spending on the day seeps in, you start to have second thoughts. I once had a bride tell me that she looked at the money she and her fiance projected to spend on a traditional wedding and thought “I would rather use this money to create an inviting new home where we can start our lives and entertain there for years to come.” At that point she and her beau opted for a small backyard elopement, with no regrets.

And maybe you simply have a small budget, which leads me to this:

(2) You favor quality over quantity

Let’s say you do want to have a beautiful wedding experience, and your taste is that which appreciates the finer things. A talented floral designer, letter press invitations, a custom gown, and a professional photographer are a few things you hoped to include in your day.

BUT- you have that small budget, and you really don’t want to start your married life off in big debt.

So, the reality of renting a large venue, decorating one or two large spaces, providing guests with food and alcohol and transportation and welcome bags and…well that sends your budget over the edge. Now you find yourself having to make the decision to scrimp on the details you had dreamed of and/or begin to agonize about shaving the invite list in an effort to save money – without hurting any feelings of course.

In this case, you may take a step back and really assess what you want your big day to be about. If your heart’s telling you to include a large group of people you love, then by all means you should find a way to have the party you’ve dreamed of. However, if you feel like you’re going to regret skimping on the luxuries you’d hoped to include in your big day, for yourself and your guests, then this is where you start to favor quality over quantity. In other words, you may throw out the large wedding plan and instead:

Choose to invest in a stunningly designed bouquet instead of decorating 25 reception tables yourself. Purchase the custom gown of your dreams instead of going to a bargain bridal store. And invite ten of your closest family and friends that you can lavish with a catered dinner and undivided attention instead of hosting a large party with hundreds of guests.

Here I should also point out: by definition, elopement means that you run off to be married in secret – but most would agree that secrets can safely be shared with those closest to you, so you can indeed elope and have guests! Which leads to my next one…

(3) You crave an intimate ceremony experience versus feeling the stares of hundreds, though loving they may be.

I’ll start this one with a little about me: I’m an extrovert in small groups and a total “please hide me right now” type of person in large ones. So I must admit that when the church doors holding 150 people inside opened on my wedding day, I wasn’t focused on my husband. I was beyond excited to marry him, but my nerves and tunnel vision could only focus on the fact that all.these.people.were.watching.me. And that feeling didn’t go away when I was up at the alter either, where I’m pretty sure I inwardly blacked out. Ten years later I watch the wedding video and realize that other than the footage, I don’t have real memory of what it was like to actually BE up there.

If you’re the same way, and unlike me, actually realize and accept this about yourself before getting married, then this is why you may desire a smaller ceremony experience. Having no guests or fewer guests could mean that you’re truly able to be present in the moment you’re vowing your life and love to your betrothed. (And having an elopement ceremony doesn’t mean that you can’t also have a large reception later to celebrate with all your friends and loved ones! If I did my wedding over again I would probably do just that.)

(4) You don’t want to take a year to plan.

Elopements are known for taking just a few weeks or a couple of months to plan, but the quickness doesn’t have to be associated with anything other than the fact that you just don’t want to wait too long to get married.

Or, it may just be that you never dreamed of planning a large wedding, so the process is unenjoyable and overshadows the excitement you feel when you think of getting married. There’s no harm in admitting that! For every bride I meet that loves the wedding planning process, there’s another one that doesn’t. (And if the idea of even planning an elopement stresses you out, there are many talented wedding planners who love to plan small ceremonies!)

(5) You want a destination wedding, without the guilt of asking guests to spend the big bucks to attend.

That one’s pretty straight forward. Let’s say you’ve always dreamed of getting married in Iceland, but you’re unable to pay for the flight and lodging expenses of your guests. In this case, having a private elopement abroad and coming home to celebrate with family and friends may just be the best option for you.

So there you have it! My two cents on a handful of perfectly respectable reasons why one may choose to elope!

Think you may fit into any of those categories above – or others I didn’t mention? Then you may want to check out a little elopement giveaway I have going on.

Oh, and if #5 is your reason, then I should add that I’m always happy to be invited along on an adventure;)